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Happy Wednesday, everybody. So President Biden is in deep trouble. The White House reports he’s testing negative for COVID, which proves even the virus wants someone else. And according to a new CNN poll, over three quarters of respondents don’t want him to run for president, they want him to run for the hills. The poll comes as his approval ratings plunge like Nancy Pelosi’s neckline.
And most Americans are as disgusted with the economy as they are with Nancy Pelosi’s neckline. Of course, there is no recession, they say, as they try to redefine the term recession, the way they redefined riots, and women, and crime and basic biology. We’d say that lie takes some balls, but we don’t want to misgender it.
It’s getting so bad, mayor Pete is polling better than Joe and Pete’s actually done less work on the job than Kamala has on closing the border. Pete’s now in his 10th month of parental leave and will be ready to work full time once he stops lactating. But I get it, Joe does not look good, literally and figuratively. The only thing holding him together is the hair plugs, and you can see why. Here’s a 22nd clip of Biden coming from the White House, look how much it was edited.
WHITE HOUSE VIDEO
They spent more time editing that 20-second clip than Coppola did The Godfather, both one and two. But at least when Dr. Frankenstein pieced together his monster, he put in a brain. I mean, if you have to do that much surgery for 20-seconds of tape. That’s like starting with a six-ton piece of marble and ending up with a bowling trophy. It’s the creepiest presidential clip since The Zapruder film. Oh! Did that upset you? I’m sorry. And take a look at this comparison, appearing on Twitter where I get all my research. Hey, it works for The Washington Post. It shows two different Bidens, apparently 24 hours apart.
Wow. What the hell is going on? I mean, that’s the same guy. I mean, yet they’re as different as night and a toilet seat. One minute, he’s fine, the next, he has to… you’d expect from a POW video. They should have him hold up a copy of USA Today, so we have proof of life. What’s going on, Joe?
JOE BIDEN SKIT
Well no wonder, no wonder the Dems want to ditch Joe faster than a masseuse with rough hands and monkeypox. The guy’s deteriorating faster than Joy Behar’s mood when she runs out of pie. Maybe it’s COVID that’s messing Joe up, but it’s not like we were blessed with a fit specimen. The guy started out bad, now he’s worse. I mean, even his body double looks exhausted. I hope for the sake of America and the planet, he’s okay. Because if he’s not, this is what we got.
“THE ELLEN SHOW” YOUTUBE CLIP
Yeah. It sucks. Yeah, it seems the press still seems more consumed by the past, meaning Donald Trump, and I get it. It’s the old “hey, don’t look there, look over here,” trick. But at least Trump can complete sentences, has ideas about crime and homelessness, and isn’t kept chained to a radiator somewhere in the West Wing being forced-fed adderall in his oatmeal. You know, I wonder what would Trump do if he were a basketball coach of a women’s team? Would he ever lose?
COMPILATION OF TRUMP CLIPS
Yeah, it’s good to see he hasn’t changed. He still has the subtlety and restraint you’d expect from a man with his name on buildings, golf courses and steaks. You know, any steak with the name Biden on it would come puréed in a squeeze tube.
But the Dems need help, right? Maybe they’re not looking hard enough, but, you know, I think I can help. I think I have their candidate. This guy, John Hinckley. Yeah, he’s out of jail now, and here’s what he just tweeted, “I believe in peace, love, equity, LGBTQ rights, abortion rights, animal rights, race mixing, assault weapon ban, sharing the wealth, Green New Deal, Black Lives Matter, prison reform and good rock ‘n’ roll. Join the John Hinckley community.”
Yeah, it’s located at the corner of —- Crazy Boulevard and A-hole Avenue. But damn, he’s nuttier now than when he shot Reagan. Meaning? He sounds like the perfect woke Democrat. Are you sure that isn’t AOC in a fat man’s suit? He ticked every box, although, oddly, he did forget handguns. Hmm. But I guess they must have had CNN on the prison TV, because he sounds no different than Don Lemon. And that is CNN’s ratings strategy, show it where you can’t change the channel. Talk about cruel and unusual punishment. That’s like telling a guy on death row to share his last meal with Brian Stelter.
But this loser illustrates a key point these days. You want the press and the libs to like you just tow the woke line and anyone can do it. Even a failed assassin with an acoustic guitar and a face like a lumpy potato. Hinckley’s living his best life. But I don’t want to be around when he hears the news that Jodie Foster is gay. So there you go, Democrats. You wanted a big name. You got one, a celeb who appeals to all your little identity cults, and he can sing
Yeah. He’s no Cat Stevens, closer to cat food, but he sure beats this.
And let’s not forget, this guy is.
That’s a reference. So what do you say, Democrats? Hinckley 2024. He can’t be that much worse than what you got. His campaign slogan could be, “give me a shot. I just might blow you away.”